SERVICE
GRIEF
Grief is a natural response to the loss of something or someone important - whether that be a loved one, a relationship, a future dream, health changes, life transitions, moving away, or experiencing a trauma or tragedy.
At Full Life Psychology, we walk alongside people experiencing a wide range of reasons for grief, and our grief counselling and psychology services are provided with care, sensitivity and respect.
This particular information sheet addresses just one form of grief - the loss of a co-regulating figure in your life, which is felt not only emotionally but physically.
What ARE CO-REGULATING FIGURES?
Co-regulating figures are the people who help us calm down, feel safe, and steady our emotions. This could be a partner, parent, child, or close friend. Their presence, voice or touch helps regulate our body and emotions.
Humans are wired for connection — our nervous systems settle in the presence of trusted others. A hug, a calm voice, or simply knowing someone is there can reduce stress hormones and ease anxiety. This shared emotional regulation between two people is called co-regulation.
GRIEF AS LOSS OF CO-REGULATION
When someone we love dies, we don’t just lose their presence — we lose the person who helped us regulate. Without that co-regulating figure, the nervous system loses a familiar source of safety. This is why grief feels not only painful, but also disorienting and exhausting.
WHAT INTERFERES WITH HEALING?
Some responses can make grief feel heavier and harder to process:
Old grief resurfacing, adding weight to the current loss
Shutting down emotions or trying to push feelings away
Turning to alcohol or substances as a way to cope
Keeping yourself constantly busy, leading to burnout
Making promises to the deceased that are unrealistic
Withdrawing from supportive people who want to help
Feeling judged or misunderstood by those around you
WHAT HELPS GRIEF?
The attachment bond is forever. Grieving is about learning how to regulate when our person is no longer physically present and to express our relationship with them in meaningful ways. We may find ways to continue our bond with them, including carrying forward a core value, continuing traditions, sharing stories, visiting a special place, or writing letters to them.
Although grieving is intense and unpredictable, by giving voice to our emotions and what they mean to us, connecting with other co-regulating people and doing practical things that soothe our body, our nervous system gradually learns how to find calm again. We will always feel the absence of our loved person, but with time and care, grief changes so we can remember them with love.
THE STRESS RESPONSE IN GRIEF
Losing a co-regulating figure can trigger the body’s stress response. The brain releases cortisol and adrenaline, shifting us into “survival mode.” This affects sleep, appetite, energy, and concentration, and can strain the immune system.
Without the calming presence of that loved one, the body has to work harder to restore balance, which is why grief is felt not just emotionally, but also physically - throughout the whole body.
FURTHER FACTS ABOUT GRIEF
Simple (or typical) grief is the natural process of finding your way through a loss. It can be deeply painful, but with time most people slowly discover ways to cope and reconnect with life again.
Complex (or prolonged) grief is when the pain of loss feels especially strong or doesn’t ease over time (>12 months in adults), making it harder to manage daily life.
If the relationship with the person was complicated, or you do not have supportive people in your life, or you have never learnt healthy ways to process difficult emotions, grief can get stuck. A psychologist can help you understand your grief and what you need to find healing.
MORE INFORMATION FROM LEADING ORGANISATIONS
Brain science of grief:
Dr Mary-Frances O’Connor (neuroscientist and clinical psychologist) explains the brain science of grief in her 2023 TED Talk
The neurobiology of grief: Ultimate guide article
https://www.numberanalytics.com/blog/neurobiology-of-grief-ultimate-guide?utmsource=chatgpt.com
Attachment styles and grief:
Psychology Today article
Understanding Loss: Grief and Attachment Theory
Moving through grief:
Book by Kubacky, Gretchen. (2019). Moving Through Grief: Proven Techniques for Finding Your Way After Any Loss - Based on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
WHAT’S THE NEXT STEP?
Talk to your GP about how you are feeling. They can refer you to a psychologist to help support you during this difficult time - you don’t need to do this alone.
Connect with trusted loved ones.
Be kind to yourself.
Take one day at a time.
our team
you’re in good hands
Our team of psychologists are highly trained and qualified to support you on your well-being journey. Each psychologist holds at least a master’s degree and is committed to ongoing professional development, ensuring the highest standard of care. Beyond their professional skills, they are genuinely wonderful individuals who love what they do, creating a warm and welcoming environment for all.
Laura Scherman
Principal Clinical Psychologist
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BPsychSc (Hons), MPsych(Clin), MAPS
Founder and Director of Full Life Psychology, Laura leads a unified, skilled team of compassionate therapists dedicated to helping people live a meaningful and FULL LIFE.
In her own clinical work, Laura values building strong therapeutic relationships with her clients and creates a warm, nurturing, and respectful space where people feel safe to freely talk through the challenges they are facing and to learn ways to better navigate them. Laura wants her clients to feel seen and heard and to know that they matter. Evidence-based therapies Laura uses include Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Schema Therapy, and more recently, Eye Movement Desentisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. Laura works with clients aged 16 and up and has supported people from diverse backgrounds, such as working professionals, students, pastors and leaders, retirees, police officers, new parents, and more, always respecting their personal values and goals.
Areas of interest include:
Anxiety
Self-worth
Burnout
Adjustment issues
Resolving historical behaviour patterns
Women’s mental health
Health in leadership
Faith and psychology
Laura has experience presenting to groups of people in various educational and church settings. She lives on the Sunshine Coast with her husband and two children, and in her free time enjoys conversations with loved ones, creativity, traveling, and new experiences.
Carmen Fourie
Provisional Psychologist
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ba-psych(hons), MPROFPSYCH
Carmen is a warm and caring Provisional Psychologist committed to supporting individuals of all ages in navigating mental health challenges. She is particularly passionate about working with young people, helping them find their way forward and teaching them practical skills to overcome difficulties. Her creative approach includes explaining complex concepts visually and interactively. She also finds great joy in facilitating group programs.
Over the past two years, Carmen has developed the MiiND Platform, a free interactive mental health resource for young people, and has been leading the Hot Chocolate Circle group therapy program for teenage girls. Through these initiatives, she has gained valuable insights and a deep understanding of the best evidence-based practices for guiding individuals on their mental health journey.
Her areas of interest include:
Anxiety disorders (e.g. Social Anxiety, Generalised Anxiety)
Stress
Depression
Building psychological resilience
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)
Managing interpersonal relationships (e.g. resolving friendship conflicts).
Faith and psychology
Diana Trim
Provisional Psychologist
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BSc, bed, gdippsych, bpsychsc(hons), mpp, assoc maps
Diana brings a wealth of life and professional experience to her role as a Provisional Psychologist, having worked extensively in education, business and ministry. Her past leadership roles as a School Principal, business owner, team leader, manager, educator and pastor, have helped hone her unique set of skills, and enables her to connect well with a range of people of different ages and backgrounds.
Diana loves to help people better understand how their mind works and to work with it, not against it, so that they can better navigate whatever obstacles they are facing and to cultivate their best life. Diana creates a safe and supportive environment for people to be able to open up and more comfortably discuss their experiences and challenges.
Diana is integrative and collaborative in her approach, and uses evidence-based therapies, customised to the individual situation. She is able to provide services in English, Afrikaans and Dutch.
Her areas of interest include:
Anxiety and panic
Depression
Life transitions
Immigration challenges
Grief and loss
Workplace stress
Working in education
Psychological assessment
Faith and psychology
